wondering

so today was a day of wondering about who else but that fiery woman thudra. like anyother person i wonder who she, i mean come on i'm only human. and so i was talking to a friend of mine lets call her "kael". and for a while now she has told me that she has alreadly id' thundra, but she would not tell me(figures). so time goes on my feelings change about people. and today she tells me that she has had this conversation of who thundra is with others and people have questioned her choose which drives me insane. so to be honest it makes me feel like who ever i choose is not up to par' because i consider kael like my older sister and i respect her thoughts and opion. i mean the best way the describe my overall feels is like this: i am walking through the meadowy field of life. not of what i will find or walk into. and in this ocean of lush green grass i see many flowers. each one different and beautiful. so i walk off into the meadow to admire the flowers. with question in mind is this the one. i see the different colors, their petals, and their sweet sweet sent. but my fear of crushing them. i for what ever reason mentally see thorns surronding them whether or not that flower would be the one picked out for me or just a tempory season thing it still frustates me to no end. only to get back on the cold lonely path with the hope to that beautiful flower for me to find.